Go on ahead, Joe Don

I haven’t been around these parts too much recently because I’ve been too busy dealing with COVID yet again. I’ll get into that more later, but SPOILER ALERT: Having COVID still sucks. But for now, let’s focus on current events.

The news broke a few days ago that actor Joe Don Baker—perhaps the Texaniest Texan who ever Texaned on the small and big screens—passed away last week at the ripe old age of 89.

My introduction to Joe Don was, of course, when Mystery Science Theater 3000 featured his amazingly low-key-yet-over-the-top performances in Mitchell and Final Justice.¹Two of the greatest terrible moves of all time. Over the years, I came to enjoy Mr. Baker in a variety of roles both big and small. Walking Tall, Junior Bonner, Fletch, The Natural, Cape Fear, Mars Attacks!, Leonard Part 6, a notable guest stint on the In the Heat of the Night TV series, and three Bond films—Joe Don was everywhere. The guy certainly never passed up a paycheck.

It’s easy to dismiss actors like Joe Don Baker because of the characters they play, but they’re what makes the whole entertainment industry work. Not everyone can be out there winning Oscars and gracing “Sexiest Man Alive” covers all the time; we need people to take the parts that A-listers are “too good” for. People like Joe Don Baker who can take a flimsy script with a one-dimensional²And usually thoroughly dislikable character and turn it into something that’s…well, not great, but better than it had any right to be.

I don’t know anything about Joe Don as a person. Maybe he was a cad, maybe he was a saint. According to his obituary, he had a soft spot for animals, particularly cats. In any case, he seems to have done pretty well for a kid born in Groesbeck during the tail end of the Depression.

So, throw a Ding Dong or two in your scotch tonight and raise your glass in remembrance of Joe Don Baker. He was a guy.

In other news

• The people of Rockport, Massachusetts have been terrorized by a rogue woodpecker who’s attacking their cars.
• A Dutch museum has determined that at least three of their Rembrandts weren’t actually painted by the master himself—and up to half of their entire collection could be similarly bogus.
• Colorado has become the 30th state to legalize kei cars. Tiny truck aficionados rejoice!
• An Alaska man’s attempt to smuggle a six-pack of beer into a dry town may end up costing him his $95,000 plane.
• A species of butterflies once thought to be extinct is making a comeback in our very own neighborhood.

• 1
  Two of the greatest terrible moves of all time.
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  And usually thoroughly dislikable