Earlier this week, the San Francisco Recreation and Parks Department harshed the city’s collective buzz by announcing that the annual 4/20 celebration on Hippie Hill in Golden Gate Park has been canceled this year due to budgetary concerns.
I swear this is a real thing and not an episode of Parks and Rec.1Although I would totally watch that episode.
Hippies and others have been congregating in Golden Gate Park for decades to partake in their habit of choice and, of course, April 20 is their Super Bowl. Thousands of people gather together, exchange pleasantries, envelop themselves in a stinky cloud, and stare at their hands while thinking about how weird cats are. Outside of the horrific traffic jam it creates, it’s a pretty tame and harmless event.
Of course, as this casual get-together expanded over the years, the crowds started to get out of hand. The legalization of recreational marijuana didn’t do much to slow the event’s growth—what was once a mildly defiant act of civil disobedience turned into gentrified festival. Sensing an opportunity to make people obtain more permits, the city decided a few years ago to turn this impromptu ganjapalooza into an official civic jamboree. Now they have holdout ropes, stage performances, and vendor booths, making the whole thing feel like a really weird farmer’s market/folk music festival.
Apparently they’re having a hard time lining up sponsors this year because of a dip in the legalized marijuana industry2Dammit Joe Biden, when will you stop killing our nation’s God-fearing patriot weed farmers? and the parks department doesn’t want to spend their own money on portable toilets and munchies-slaking snacks. So they’ve decided that they can just call the whole thing off and people—the exact same people who gathered on their own for 50 years to thumb their noses at authority—will respect that and stay at home.
I think that’ll be about as effective as when I tell my dogs to stop barking at delivery drivers, but the parks department wants everyone to know that they have a foolproof plan: SIGNS.
“We will have signage letting people know that 420 isn’t happening this year,” a city spokesperson confidently told local media outlets.
Yep, that’ll definitely do it. Everybody will see those bad boys and just turn around and go back home.
Even better, they’ve scheduled something else to take its place in the park that day—recreational kickball and volleyball tournaments. So on April 20, thousands of stoners will descend upon Golden Gate Park and end up just wandering around, getting in the way of grown-ups engaged in competitive kickball.
Again, I promise you this isn’t a rejected script or Parks and Rec fanfic.3Which is a thing that I assume exists.
In other news
- The Oakland A’s, who have removed the social from their social media, are now restricting access to their parking lot in an attempt to stave off protests over their planned move to Las Vegas/betrayal of Oakland/general douchebaggery. (It didn’t work.)
- The extremely ill-advised presidential campaign of Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. is getting a boost from helpful volunteers who are adding some nifty events to his website.
- And speaking of skin, there’s a little bit less of it now in the Harvard library.
- When hiking and biking, remember to stick to the trails. You never know what’s in the ground around you.
- Despite reports to the contrary, the Germans aren’t banning dachshunds.
From the archives
The first few bits of remastered classic TMF content are now ready:
- Say hello to Mr. Thirsty (Feb. 1, 2007)
- Wordless Wednesday: First move (July 25, 2012)
- I’ll take “Total Abject Failure” for $200 (April 17, 2015)
- 1Although I would totally watch that episode.
- 2Dammit Joe Biden, when will you stop killing our nation’s God-fearing patriot weed farmers?
- 3Which is a thing that I assume exists.
Leave a Comment