My expert analysis of Olympic figure skating
I have no problem admitting that I watch figure skating from time to time. It’s certainly not my first choice, but every once in a while there will be some random weekend afternoon where there’s nothing decent on television* and I’ll leave it on. I’d say I watch a good four or five hours of figure skating a year on average.
So, having watched less than twenty hours of skating since the last Olympics, I will now do what all Americans with a television do once every four years – declare myself an expert and share my ill-informed opinions with everyone within earshot.
Well done, Joannie Rochette
There’s no doubt that the South Korean girl won the competition, but Joannie Rochette was the biggest champion of the evening (and these Olympics overall). I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to have to skate not just once, but twice in Olympic competition just days after her mother passed away unexpectedly. Simply incredible and a lasting tribute to the sacrifices that both of her parents have made to help her get to the biggest stage in the world.
Ice dancing is lame
I know I’m not in the target demographic, but even the middle-aged women I’ve talked to about it this week can’t get on board with ice dancing.
You’d think combining ballroom dancing and figure skating would be a slam dunk, but somehow the event just manages to combine the worst of both sports. It’s awkward dancing without any real flow. It’s boring figure skating without any jumps. And those outrageous costumes make it feel more like a bad frat keg party than an Olympic sport.
We all went in expecting to see Strictly Ballroom on ice. Instead, we got The Forbidden Dance mixed with a lame Halloween party.
Show us your boots, ladies
I am staunchly against the trend of covering up one’s skating boots with flesh-colored tights. What exactly is going on here? Are the skaters trying to make us think that they’re skating barefoot? That they were born with Barbie-like molded feet with blades sticking out of the bottom? Is looking like you’ve got a couple of ham-sized flesh lumps at the bottom of your legs somehow more graceful or athletic than just showing your boots?
In this case, less is more – as in less tights. Tights should go inside your shoes, not on the outside. We’d expect this kind of behavior from ice dancers, but not from princess ballerinas of the ice. Cut. It. Out.
Evgeni Plushenko is a giant douchebag
I think his actions after unexpectedly getting the silver say it all. I don’t see the need to explain any further.
*- My hierarchy of watchable sports on television: baseball > football > hockey > soccer > lacrosse > college basketball > auto racing > tennis > figure skating > pro basketball > anything “extreme” or sponsored by Mountain Dew/Taco bell > golf
That is like the most arbitrary ranking of sports-watching ever. It made me laugh.
Excellent commentary. I wholeheartedly agree with you 100% (oh, except for the tights-over-skates thing. I don’t know why, but I like it.)
And holy moses. A “platinum” medal? What a moron.
I agree with you on most things. Especially the tights over the boots. EW!
I’ve come to like ice dance more and more, but this year, it was just weird. Like the couple skating to Ave Maria and the girl’s costume covered only the important parts. That’s just wrong.
You forgot one thing: What about the flesh colored mesh that holds the costumes together? It really bugs me when the mesh panels are not the same as the skater’s skin tone. Really bugs me. They’re supposed to be invisible, but when you can see every seam in them because they don’t match the skin tone, it bothers me. It’s kind of like girls exposing their underwear (a whole other topic, I know).
Oh, and my hierarchy of sports on TV is similar to yours, except hockey would move down to after lacrosse and auto racing to the end. Just in case you cared.
Ooh, good point on the flesh-colored mesh (which I propose we call “flmesh”). You think they’d perfect a pasty white skintone mesh for all these girls who spend all of their free time inside the rink training.
Um…you didn’t put curling in the heirarchy? Because on Saturday I noticed my Canadian curling boyfriend for the first time and now i’m kind of hooked, but then they kept switching him with the Bill White lookalike on their team.
I omitted curling because it’s only on TV during the Olympics, but it’d go in that list at number two (just behind baseball).
Actually, I probably get a curling channel somewhere on my cable…