Safe bets for 2010

2010 is nearly here, but there’s still a few hours left to get on the phone with your bookie or hop on a flight to Las Vegas. Put your money on these prop bets and you’ll be sure to cash in next year.

• I will attend at least two weddings.
• The new Doctor’s attire will not launch a new fad of wearing bowties.
• The Girl will learn to ride a bike. The Boy will not.
• 30 Rock will continue to be the funniest show on television that no one is watching.
• I will not win the lottery.
• Brett Favre will retire at a press conference that contains crying, work out with some high school kids in Mississippi and decide to come back for another year.
• I will continue to blog and earn absolutely no income from it, while people who can barely string together sentences will be handed multi-million dollar book deals.
• As 2012 draws closer, people will stop worrying about the end of the Mayan calendar as they realize that 2011 will bring the end of The Oprah Winfrey Show.
• Matt Lauer will go somewhere in the world and I won’t bother to guess where.
• The Wife will buy more shoes.
• The Girl will get more stuff that is pink.
• The Boy will get more Nintendo games.
• Millions of Americans will become fanatical supporters of winter Olympic events and athletes, only to have forgotten them completely by the time St. Patrick’s Day rolls around.
• There will still be no consensus on how to refer to the previous decade.
• Some Twilight book or movie will come out and annoy the ever-living hell out of me.
• David Hasselhoff, Lindsay Lohan, various Kardashians and the Slap Chop guy will all be in the news, while Zamfir continues to live in virtual anonymity.
• The Houston Astros will overpay for a squad that collectively hits somewhere around .260 and finishes fourth or fifth in the NL Central.
• This will not, in fact, be the year that we make contact.

Less-safe propositions

I’m not big on resolutions or goals, but here’s a few things I’d like to accomplish in the upcoming year:

• Run/walk/bike 1000 miles.
• Visit at least three new ballparks.
• Get started on my book.
• Defend the frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan armada. (Sorry, that’s already been done.)