In the land of beer and cheese (and sausage)

Hey, remember when I went to Milwaukee? You should, because I told you that I was going. Your recollection, however, should be very vague because I never told anything about it. If you have detailed memories about my trip, I’m sorry: you’re crazy.

But don’t worry, I can fix that. Let me replace all of your fabricated tales with ones that are based in reality. Or at least my perception of it.

Before I left, everyone was asking me the same question: why in the hell would anyone willingly go to Milwaukee? (Well, most people didn’t phrase it exactly like that, but that was the general idea.) For some reason, Milwaukee has gotten a reputation as a dull hole located somewhere between Chicago and Canada.

I went there because that’s where the 2009 HighEdWeb convention was being held. It’s one of the preeminent conferences for people in my line of work. (Well, one of three good conferences. The rest pretty much suck.) Plus, I’m always willing to go checkout dull holes, regardless of their proximity to Canada.

The conference itself was outstanding. It’s run entirely by college web professionals who volunteer their time, so the whole thing was done on a peer-to-peer basis. Everybody was willing to share and we had a good time. I went to a ton of great sessions that covered things like maintaining accessibility, leveraging content management systems, herding the cats of social media, how to get the most out of student workers without beating them, etc… You know, the kind of stuff you people care nothing about. Suffice it to say that the conference was well worth the time and money.

As for Milwaukee itself, I found it to be an odd mix of surprisingly modern and depressingly forgotten. For every new development, there are literally square miles of abandoned, crumbling warehouses. It’s very obviously a city that’s trying to reinvent itself, but it hasn’t figured out how to do it yet. They’ve made great efforts to beautify and quirkify the downtown area, but there’s nothing there other than the convention center and a few hotels. I didn’t see any signs of real economic activity in downtown Milwaukee. In the end, it felt like a smaller, less successful clone of Chicago.

That said, I hope they do figure out how to reinvent themselves. The city has a lot of history and a lot of charm if you know where to look and the people couldn’t be any nicer. I hope someday to return to Milwaukee and find it with a brighter future than the one it seems to have today.

But enough of the winding narrative. You people came here for bullet points:

• To save all of you Texas taxpayers a few bucks, I took the indirect route both to and from Milwaukee. Both days were long, but I never had any delays or serious problems – no minor feat when your itinerary has six separate flights on it.
• On the way to the conference, the highlights were an aerial view of Jerry World (hours before the Ags lost on national TV there… sigh…) and finding quite possibily the world’s tackiest airport gift store at DFW.
• Speaking of DFW, I hate that airport. Every single time I land there, my connection is always on the exact opposite end of the airport (even if I’m flying the same airline). And the food options there suck, even for an airport.
• Why are there always people who need to get up and stand in the aisle before the plane has even stopped at the gate? They’re not going to open the door any faster, people. I’m willing to sit, wait and exit the plane twenty seconds later than the folks in a hurry. I can understand being antsy if you’ve got a connection to catch, but pretty soon people are just going to start lining up at the door shortly after takeoff.
• Another pet peeve: people who’d rather inconvenience everyone and argue with flight attendants than check a bag. My feelings on the matter is that if it has wheels, it’s not a carry-on item and needs to be checked.  If you’ve got something that doesn’t fit in a backpack or large purse, suck it up, pay the $15 bag fee and wait ten minutes at the baggage claim once we get there.
• The conference was held at the Hilton Milwaukee City Center, which despite having an unreasonably long name, had fairly decent rooms and a very nice fitness center. When you added in the beautiful lobby area and the pub downstairs, it wasn’t bad at all.
• The hotel also had a few surprises, like the gift the previous occupants of my room left behind and a tiny little hair salon that was hidden in a stairwell. It also had an indoor waterpark, but I couldn’t get any pictures of that because it was closed while I was there. And it was built on the site of an old Indian village.
• There are only three food groups in Milwaukee – beer, cheese and meat (usually sausage). I don’t think I saw a single fruit or vegetable the entire time I was there.
• On the last day of the conference, I was able to escape and take a leisurely stroll around the city. I highly recommend getting totally lost somewhere you’ve never been before – it’s the best way to discover the true soul of a city.
• In Milwaukee, even the statues have to learn about the statues.
• While I was out investigating the sights near the hotel, I was approached by a television news reporter asking if I was a police photographer or “friend or family member of the victim.” Apparently there had been a hit-and-run fatality there a few hours ago. Kinda weird.
• Just a block away from the ugliest interstate interchange in the world sits the beautiful campus of Marquette University; a tiny pocket of academia tucked away neatly in the middle of a big, blue-collar city.
• Speaking of ugly, Milwaukee is the home to the world’s ugliest mail processing facility and the world’s ugliest apartment building. Yikes.
• To be fair though, they’ve also got an impressive city hall, as well as a number of beautiful old churches.
• The entire lakefront area is very nice, especially the Milwaukee Art Museum. It features a pedestrian bridge that sways back and forth when the wind kicks up.
• These berry-nut hybrids were growing all along Lake Michigan. No one I talked to seemed to know what they were.
• Also seen lakeside: Erik the Red. Holla!
• I walked past, but did not go into, the Harley-Davidson Museum. They were advertising an exhibit on helmets. That’s all I know.
• Unfortunately, Miller Park was too far away to walk to (and was closed for tours), but I did catch a fleeting glimpse from afar.
• On our last evening in Milwaukee, I set out with a couple of fellow Aggies on a search for the life-sized statue of Arthur Fonzarelli. And of course, once we found it, we took the required photos.
• The opening night reception was held at the very cool Iron Horse Hotel and featured a classic arcade tournament. After winning my first-round game of Asteroids, I was bounced out in the second round after a bad game of Missile Command.
• During my week in Wisconsin, the Packers had their much-anticipated Monday night game against the hated Vikings and that turncoat Brett Favre. I dressed appropriately for the occasion.
• One night, I ventured out with some new friends and discovered a very cool German restaurant. While I was there, I tried a Radler and decided it was sehr gut.
• And to end the convention on a good note, I won a door prize at the closing luncheon.
• The trip home was largely uneventful, although there was some wet weather in Cincinnati and we had to board the plane old school-style in Milwaukee for some reason. Most of the day was spent sitting around in empty waiting lounges.
• They eat some weird stuff in Cincinnati. Take, for example, the “Cincinnati Five-Way,” which consists of spaghetti, chili (with chocolate and cinnamon thrown in), onions, beans and cheese. You can also add on hot sauce and crackers.
• Finally, after fourteen hours of flying, I made it home. And I was glad.
• If you’re still itchin’ for more Milwaukee (there’s an ad slogan), all of my photos are available here.