It’s not Christmas yet, people!

There are very few things that I actually just can’t stand. Sure, I grumble about things on here quite a bit, but none of that stuff really angers me or causes me to lose sleep at night. In general, I just don’t care what other people do.

One MAJOR exception to that, however, is people on insist on getting Christmas underway before Thanksgiving. There’s just no excuse for it. I don’t care if it’s the happiest holiday in the history of mankind or if you treasure each gooey gumdrop-filled memory of your precious childhood holidays. It’s just not acceptable.

Don’t get me wrong – I like Christmas and the whole holiday season. I have very fond memories of previous Christmases and still look forward to it each year, probably even more so now that I have little kiddos of my own. But I still don’t try to get the whole yule ball rolling in mid-August like some people do.

If you’ve already put up your tree, strung up lights on your house, started wearing reindeer ties to work or busted out your Christmas CDs, just know that you annoy me. Can’t you wait to get the turkey out of the way before you dive into Christmas? Isn’t 4+ weeks enough to get your fix of holiday goodness?

Apparently not. Lights have already appeared on houses in our neighborhood. One of the offices in our building slapped up their tree last week. XM started their first of several 24-hour holiday music channels way back on November 12th. ABC Family is preceding their annual “25 Days of Christmas” marathon (which is fine by me since it’s in December) with a “Countdown to Christmas” promotion that started showing holiday movies last Monday.

Don’t even get me started on the whole “Christmas in July” concept.

You people need serious help. It’s time to step back from the giant punch bowl of eggnog and take a realistic look at your lives. Can’t you see that celebrating Christmas 365 days a year just dilutes the sanctity and meaning of the actual holiday season?

No you can’t, which is why I’m stuck looking at store displays in the middle of September that awkwardly try to pair up Santa Claus with a gaggle of skeletons and witches. If there’s any solace, it’s that I know that by the middle of December, those same stores will start mixing cupids, leprechauns and Easter bunnies into their cardboard North Pole displays.

What I really don’t understand about all of this is that the whole holiday season lines up so perfectly on the calendar. Thanksgiving weekend couldn’t be set up any better for acting as the starting line for the Christmas season. You eat your turkey on Thursday, do some shopping on Friday, maybe watch a little football over the weekend. And you’ve still got tons of time to put up your tree, hang your wreaths, string your lights, put out your creepy animatronic stick-figure reindeer and generally cover yourself in sugary Christmas goodness. There’s no need to get started way back in September. I don’t even think most of you people even take your holiday decorations down. You just roll it all over into next year’s Christmas.

There are two exceptions that I’ll make for doing anything Christmas-related before Thanksgiving. The first is buying Christmas gifts and tucking them away throughout the year. If you want to avoid the hassle and manic depravity of holiday store crowds, more power to you. Nothing wrong with that.

The second is drawing up a Christmas list for Santa. It’s acceptable to do that prior to Thanksgiving because a lot of elves and family members do go shopping over Thanksgiving weekend. It’s especially important if you need about 10,000 Wii games.

Warning: I’m probably just going to delete any pro-Christmas in April comments any of you make down below. It’s not Christmas, so I don’t need to be charitable in putting up with your deluded arguments. Bah humbug and all that.

Turkey Day plans

We alternate holidays between my side of the family and The Wife’s. This year, it’s our turn to spend Thanksgiving with her kinfolk, so we’re headed up to their retirement community home later this afternoon. Nothing beats spending Thanksgiving than spending it surrounded by some of the holiday’s original celebrants.

The Wife plans to brave the crowds at the local outlet stores in the wee hours of the morning on Friday. She’s not going to buy us a fancy new television, so I’m not really all that interested. I’ll be sleeping at home, but I will have the phone next to me in case I need to visit her in the hospital or go post bail.

The Boy and The Girl are coming with us. They don’t really have much of a say in the matter. The Boy hates traditional holiday meals and shopping, so I imagine this weekend will suck for him. On the other hand, The Girl has decided that baby food is for losers, so I’m sure she’ll enjoy the bevy of new grown-up foods she’ll encounter for the first time this weekend.

The Dog was dropped off at the kennel this morning. She wasn’t very happy about it. Oh well, that’s what happens when you don’t have opposable thumbs.

The Cat will be at home by herself with a mountain of food in her bowl and corresponding amount of water. I predict that she’ll yack up a hairball on the carpet about ten minutes after we leave.

I’m taking my computer with me, but I seriously doubt that Shady Acres has community-wide free wi-fi access. If I can find my way to a coffee shop or something, I’ll update over the weekend. If not, then it’ll be Sunday or Monday.

Fries at the bottom of the bag

• The Girl has discovered that she likes to have books read to her. The same three books. Over and over over. When she wants you to read to her, she’ll come over and throw the book on your lap. If you don’t move fast enough, she’ll point at the book and glare at you.
• Our cat is dumb. This is how she spends about 95% of her day.
• The Girl’s hair is coming in thicker and lightening up a little.
• I love sautéed mushrooms. They’d be worth celebrating 365 days a year.