The Modernish Father

After watching most of the evening coverage of both party’s conventions over the last two weeks, I’ve come to a single, undeniable conclusion: Republican or Democrat, white or black, young or old – people who attend political conventions have absolutely no business dancing at them.

It’s just been painful to watch these people. Half of them look like recently reanimated mummies, just kind of shuffling from side-to-side with an uncomfortable grimace on their faces. The other half look like complete fools who are all hopped up on Mountain Dew. Not a single one of them looks like a rational human being, much less someone you’d want representing your political party on national television.

It’s not really the delegates’ fault, though – I mean, what are they supposed to do while all that music is playing? Between the two conventions, I’ve heard more 80s rock ballads in the past two weeks than since… well, I listen to 80s rock ballads on a daily basis, but you get my point. Party bosses have got the arenas pumpin’ and that means the delegates are jumpin’. In the end, everyone loses.

I propose that all conventions henceforth use only easy listening music to prevent these ugly outbursts of uninhibited and unskilled dancing. Imagine how much better it would be if all these people were just sitting in their chairs and silently nodding and smiling while some James Taylor or Engelbert Humperdinck played over the speakers. Maybe even some mellow jazz. They could borrow some Weather Channel CDs or something.

Now those of you who know me in real life are aware of the fact that I myself cannot dance. But I don’t try to. And I certainly don’t do so when it’s going to be beamed into millions of unsuspecting homes.

We have to do this for the children, for I’ve heard it on good authority that they’re America’s future.

Speaking of politics

I’d like to publicly congratulate The Wife for actively being interested in this year’s election and forming an opinion about who she’s going to vote for. AND (here’s the kicker), she actually plans to vote this year! She’s even gone so far as to put a magnet for one of the candidates on the back of her car.

You don’t understand what a big deal is for her. Historically, The Wife has held the same aversion to politics that Superman feels towards kryptonite. Even the mere mention of a ballot or a stump speech was enough to induce a temporary coma on her part, but I actually witnessed her sit through the vast majority of one of the candidate’s speeches. This is a very big step for her.

Fries at the bottom of the bag

• My brother reports that his coffee mug was destroyed by a runaway Segway this morning in a freak accident on campus. I have no further details.
• We introduced The Girl to vegetable beef baby food this evening, which was not well received. She decided that she did like the peaches better though.
• The Girl is a double threat in the kitchen: she helps both cook and clean.
• The Boy is amazed that his elementary school serves pickles with their hamburgers at lunch. He doesn’t like pickles, but he’s still amazed by their presence.
• I have a new favorite site to visit: Not Fooling Anybody.