Important product update

Yesterday in the mail I received a big bright happy white envelope from the good people at Honda, manufacturers of the 2007 Element I’m currently driving. On the outside in big blue letters it proclaimed “IMPORTANT PRODUCT UPDATE”, so naturally I tore into it eagerly to find out what kind of kickin’ upgrade my dream machine would be receiving.

What could the important product update be? Improved fuel economy? More horsepower? A sixth cup holder? Awesome flame decals?

Much to my disappointment, it appears that the only important update they’re providing is the continued presence of needles on my dash gauges. Apparently some vehicles have had problems with them giving incorrect data or falling off completely. I guess some people aren’t happy with that.

Fortunately, my local dealership was able to work me in and got the car taken care of this afternoon. Now I don’t have to worry about getting pulled over for speeding and having to tell the officer that my speedometer needle fell off somewhere back down the road. I also ate about half a dozen cookies in the service department waiting room. I like cookies.

Between this “product update”, the lady who rear-ended me at a stoplight and the whole radio fiasco (which did eventually get fixed), my little red box on wheels has been in the shop six times in just 14 months. I don’t think I’ve been to the doctor six times in the past 14 years.

Okay, the statement about not going to the doctor was a gross exaggeration. That’s unfortunate as it would have illustrated my point quite dramatically had it been true. “I don’t think I’ve been to Cleveland six times in the past 14 years” just doesn’t have the same impact.

Still, it could be worse (automotively speaking). My father has a ’97 Mustang Cobra which at one point was getting more recall work done than oil changes. With it being a Ford though, I guess he’s just lucky if it doesn’t blow up or demagnetize all of his credit cards.

Fries at the bottom of the bag

• We’ve signed up The Boy to play tee ball in the spring. I’m very excited about it – unlike last time this will be a real league with practices, actual games and uniforms and stuff. No keeping score though.
• I’ve decided to go to SXSW Interactive in March. I’m very excited because this will give me a new convention experience and hopefully replace my memories from the awful, awful time I had at the last convention I attended. (It was in Shreveport. Need I say anymore?)
• I saw an advertisement on television the other night using the song “We’re Not Gonna Take It” by Twisted Sister. They were advertising a birth control pill. Surely this is a sign of the apocalypse.
• They’ve been showing the Death Wish movies this week on television. They’re all pretty bad, but I watched the first one on Monday so now I have to sit through the four sequels. I think I might be a little OCD when it comes to watching tv. Also, Charles Bronson is probably the worst action star ever.
• I take that back. Upon further reflection, Dennis Rodman is the worst action star ever.
• For those of you keeping track at home, I received no votes in the Michigan primaries. I may need to reconsider my strategy of waiting for a big victory in Guam to carry me into the White House. I may also need to get on the ballot somewhere. Or formally join a political party. Or campaign. Or reach the age of 35 so I’m actually eligible to run for president.